Amanda Thome [Worlds Apart 01 Ruination (epub)

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.It’s over now, its done for me.Mama is gone and while I’m not alone in this world, it sure feels that way.Soon gusts of arctic wind whip my face, biting hard into my bare skin, pushing me inside.Into the house that’s no longer a home.I walk through the doorway, I don’t want to go to bed.It reminds me of her.I lie on the ground next to Emma’s crib.Loss consumes my heart.I could tolerate little pieces of my heart being taken away bit by bit but this is too much.It was torn apart with such haste and fury that it feels like the fragments have been tenderized to oblivion.It’s too much pain for a child to endure and I’m not sure I can.Papa’s gone to work, he left this morning just before first light.His body looked weakened, like he was shattered from the inside out.My eyes met his as he bent forward to kiss Emma.I saw the raw pain inside and I saw it melt for just a second as his eyes met mine.I know he would have stayed if he could but work called, it’s a duty Central requires.A relief worker’s scheduled to come provide assistance with Emma.I think of their uniforms, black, the color Central issues to all retired citizens, with a single grey arm sash signifying their role assisting children.I hear the sound of feet traveling our walkway.I imagine the relief workers boots making their way along our drive, unknowing of all the horrors that happened only yesterday.Then a knock sounds.I slowly rise from the floor reaching my hands in front of my small body.I try navigating by memory and touch.With every step towards the door my swirling head fogs like mist creeping and rolling inward.The mist parts as I see myself opening the door, welcoming Mama home.Every fiber that holds me together wants to believe that she will be on the other side.Deep down I know that the mist will never part, that Mama will never come home, but I need to open the door, just to be sure.My puffy eyes don’t allow much clarity of vision but I reach the door, pulling it open.The mist rolls back, it’s not Mama.Through the fog and broken hope I realize it’s not the relief worker either.This person’s far too small, my size just bigger.I blink, the cloudy tears escape and I see a golden haired boy my age.I wipe my eyes and see his acorn-brown eyes looking into mine, his face twists with pain.He fists flowers in his small hands.They’re blooming in yellows, purples, and blues.Once I spot them I can’t take my eyes away, I follow them all the way to the ground as he places them at my feet.I’ve seen those colors in my mind before, laid out in front of me, all of them beautiful and bright.“I wish I could’ve helped more” he says.It wasn’t his Mama, he doesn’t even know me.I want to ask him why he cares and I actually feel the words tickle my throat as I try to get them out.He turns his eyes down just before he runs away.I lift the flowers and take them to my room.Over the next three months I care for Emma with the help of the relief worker.I don’t know what’ll happen to us when I turn six and start education.Papa said other families cope and we will too.His words are somewhat comforting but even they can’t ward off my lonesomeness.It’s mostly during the nights when I get crushingly isolated thinking about Mama.I lie questioning if I’d made her die.I wish she could sing to me as I hold the withered and fading bouquet of flowers that crumble under my touch.I just stare at them through the darkness until they turn into endless brown eyes staring back at me.The thought of any respite from the pain gives me hope.Hope, it’s a four letter word that holds more weight than the longest word in any vocabulary.With hope all things are possible.I can hope for a better life, I can hope for my chance to leap to Central.With or without Mama, no matter the isolation or despair, I can always hope.Chapter 2Seasons have come and gone since then but fall will always be my favorite.It’s like nature purges itself of all the needless weight that pulls it down [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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