April, Lauryn Into the Deep id

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.The one thing that kept me feeling that it wasn’t schizophrenia was what I was hearing.Maybe I was being stereotypical and naïve on this thought, but I had expected the voices that I heard to be malevolent if I were suffering from some disease.Honestly, I would have expected them to tell me to kill someone.And maybe that’s only what happens in the movies, but the fact that I was hearing things that sounded like the voices of people I knew.I was hearing things that sounded like thoughts, that kept me thinking that this was something… else.Ironically, however, after a day of trying to keep the voices from entering my head again, it was when I tried to listen for them that they vanished completely.I didn’t hear my mother’s voice as we talked about dinner; didn’t hear Sadie or Dad when we all sat down to eat.I didn’t hear another sound.That night, not hearing them had been almost as maddening as hearing them in the first place and I went to bed exhausted with frustration.4The Cards You’re DealtFriday classes alternated every other week.The week prior I had had my Monday/Wednesday classes which meant I had my Tuesday/Thursday classes to look forward to that day, and I did look forward to them.After a long deep sleep, I woke ready to try and test my ability to hear the voices that the day before were invading my mind.I wasn’t sure exactly how I was going to do it at the time, but I knew I had to start hearing them again.My first class that day was Spanish.Christy was in my class and being around her quickly proved useful.It would be my first insight into how vain her mind really was.I was already seated at my desk when she entered and I heard her the moment she walked through the door.Why learn Spanish? We live in America.It was most definitely Christy’s voice and I looked over my shoulder to see her walk in.She took her seat beside me and said hi.“You know, I was thinking, why do we need to learn this anyway? I mean, what? ‘Cause there’s so many illegal immigrants now that we need to all know how to talk to them? This is America, they should learn English.”I laughed and nodded even though I didn’t agree with what she was saying.Spanish was a hard class, but I took it because I liked the idea of being bilingual.Christy took it because it was required for the college she wanted to apply to.Christy and I may have both been honor roll students, but I don’t think she enjoyed learning the way I did.“I think they’re trying to force us to be well-rounded or something,” I replied.“Well-rounded is overrated.” I should have taken French, I heard her think.“I should have taken French,” she then said aloud.The weird dèjà vu moment was almost enough in itself to convince me that what I was hearing was really her thoughts.Moments later, however, our teacher arrived and I didn’t hear another voice until lunch.God, look at her tits in that shirt, I heard someone think as I walked down the hallway, passing a group of guys on my way to the common.It startled me and made my head jerk back to look at them.One of them winked at me and I picked up my pace pulling my jacked tighter around me.I pushed past the glass door that led outside and was calmed by the smell of fresh air and the feel of a cool breeze on my face.Christy and Tiana were already sitting in our usual spot near the fountain, the sound of the cascading water drowning out the conversations of the tables around them.As usual, Eliza and Damon were getting lunch off campus.Today they’d be at Toppers as Damon had wrestling practice later.He always got Toppers Stix before wrestling.Only seniors were allowed to leave for lunch, but they didn’t keep close tabs on anyone.It was easy for a junior like Eliza to get away with eating lunch with her senior boyfriend.Sometimes they would stay and eat with us, but not often.Getting away from school and fast food were hard to pass up, and I think Eliza enjoyed getting away with breaking the rules.“Hey, Ivy,” Tiana called.“You ready to hang with Steve and Alex again this weekend?” Christy asked.I looked at her oddly for a moment.I had thought she’d forgotten about Alex after seeming to be so into Chase only a week or so ago.“Um, yeah,” I responded trying to sound excited.Christy didn’t notice the fakeness of my interest, but I saw Tiana roll her eyes beside her.“Great, I’ll call you later with details.” That color green really looks terrible on her; I hope she doesn’t wear that on Saturday.I tried not to narrow my eyes on her after I heard her bitchy afterthought.“So what are you going to wear tomorrow?”I bit my tongue.“Not sure,” I said, “maybe that dark blue dress I have.” She nodded.Well, that doesn’t look great on her but it’s a step in the right direction.“Hey, Ivy, do you have that Math homework that we got on Wednesday figured out?” Tiana asked me.“Yeah, mine’s all done.”“You mind helping me out with some of it one day this weekend? I’m stuck on number seven.”“Yeah, no problem.”She smiled grateful, but then I saw her look off into the distance.She suddenly had a distracted expression on her face, her mouth falling into a slight frown, her eyes deep and sad.Christy didn’t notice, but I followed her gaze to the other side of the courtyard.At first I wasn’t sure what she was looking at.Then I heard her.Smug asshole, she thought, and I saw him.Brant was leaning up against a tree.Damn him for being so sexy.An arrogant smile graced his face and there was a thin brunette standing beside him.The girl, most likely a sophomore, swooned over him as he brushed a stray hair out of her face.I looked back to Ti and she glanced away.“Well, I’m outta here,” Christy said, “Student council meeting.I’ll see you guys later.” Both Tiana and I said goodbye and then she was off.I turned back to Ti and caught her glancing at Brant across the yard again.“You alright?” I asked her and watched her eyes jerk to meet mine.She blushed as if she’d been caught watching some racy movie and not just innocently staring at a boy across the yard.She looked at me then glanced back at Brant once more.“Yeah, I just… It’s not like I expected anything with us to turn into a relationship.I guess I’m just thrown by how… nice he was that night.He was a real talker, you know.And then after Nicolette’s party it’s like I don’t even exist.”“He’s just a player Ti, just forget about him.”She sighed.“Yeah, you’re right.”Even though I could see through to the fact that I was truly hearing voices, doubt still remained like a thin fog clouding my conclusion [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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