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Chelsea Handler Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang (epub
Brit Brinson [Dia of the Dead Dia of the Dead (epub)
Cody Goodfellow [Radiant Dawn Radiant Dawn (epub)
Cate Tiernan [Immortal Belove Immortal Beloved (epub)
C J Busby [Deep Amber 01] Deep Amber (retail) (epub)
Carl Ashmore [Time Hunters 01 The Time Hunters (epub)
Drew Hayes [Super Powereds 02 Super Powereds Year 2 (epub) i
Beth Harbison [Shoe Addict 02 Secrets of a Shoe Addict (epub)
Cara Lynn Shultz [Dark World The Dark World (retail) (epub)
Bonnie Dee & Summer Devon House of Mirrors

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.I just don't know that every two weeks is cutting it," Mom says as she reaches for her phone.She disappears from the room without a backward glance and I know she's calling Dr.Robinson.Maybe she's right.Maybe I never really faced things like I was supposed to.The only person I’ve told about that last night with Jamie is Dr.Robinson.She’s the only person who knows about the million what-ifs that run through my mind every single day.What if I told him I loved him sooner? What if I followed him home instead of calling his sister? What if I had seen the signs sooner? I carry so much guilt with me that sometimes it gets to be too much.My grieving was completely whacked out and all I can remember is my mom giving me her painkillers to dull the agony.What she didn't understand was that the pain wasn't physical.It's my heart that aches every day.I know why he left me.I read the letter.But I still feel like every part of me, my heart, body, and soul, wasn’t enough for him.I’m simply not enough for anyone.My parents think I can't see what's going on in front of my face, but I see their relationship splitting at the seams.I see that I'm partially to blame.I used to think college would be my ticket out of here, but will that really make the pain, the memories of Jamie go away? I gently rub the tattoo on my wrist and gather my books for school.When I walk into first period, Lindy is nowhere to be seen.She was strangely absent in the hallways too, which makes me nervous.I feel like a Chihuahua, shaking in my corner, about to pee myself.My heart speeds up a little when Ryder walks in.I watch as he pushes his hoodie sleeves up, revealing the two thick leather bands around each wrist.He swings his head to move his hair out of his eyes and slides into the seat next to mine.I quickly look away, but I can still feel my heart tripping all over itself.I haven't felt anything like this since Jamie.I shake my head, refusing to allow Jamie into my thoughts right now."You okay?" I hear.I turn slowly to find Ryder watching me with those intense almost gray eyes.After clearing my throat, I manage to answer, "Yeah, why?"He fidgets with the sleeves of his jacket and then looks back at me, "You were just shaking your head, so…"A burning blush begins to creep up from my neck and weaves itself across my cheeks.I feel it spreading like wild fire.I move my hand to my cheek, casually attempting to prop up on it, to hide it."Um, yeah.I'm fine.Thanks."Embarrassed doesn't really begin to cover how I'm feeling.I've already got people thinking I'm crazy and that I'm the reason Jamie's dead, but add internal conversations with body movements added, and well, crazy isn't too far of a leap.Ryder nods and turns back in his seat, facing the front.He pulls a guitar pick from his pocket and starts to turn it over nervously in his hands.Back and forth, back and forth, and I find myself mesmerized by the simple movement.What's even more fascinating is how peaceful he seems.The normally rigid set of his shoulders is relaxed and his face is calm.I'm about to ask him something, anything, because he makes me want to make a fool out of myself, when the teacher begins to speak."I'm dividing you all up into pairs for this poetry project," Mrs.Weathersby says.She moves her trendy thick glasses into her pale blonde hair as she looks down at a clipboard.She can’t be older than twenty-five, and is the youngest teacher we have, one of the few that actually enjoys what she does.A collective groan comes from the class.Panic seizes my chest as I look around.I don't want to be paired up with any of these people.Just when things can't get any worse, Lindy comes into class.Her gaze zeroes in on me instantly and then she slides it back to the teacher as she hands her a note."Seriously, Lindy? Get to class on time.Yesterday you stood at the door and then just left.Now today you're late.Do better," Mrs.Weathersby snaps.I like this teacher more already.Lindy says nothing as she sits her designer purse on her desk and pretends to be a contrite student.My hands start to sweat and I can feel the nasty overbearing sense of anxiety come over me, followed by dizziness.I used to be able to handle her because of Jamie.He always had my back, so Lindy left me alone because she wanted him.She never realized that Jamie was far from interested in her.But once he died, I became fair game again, but with a vengeance."Anyway, it's either do this in pairs or do an essay, so you have your choice," Mrs.Weathersby continues.Everyone is silent and she takes that as a collective agreement that we want the pair work over the writing.Me, I would rather write."You will be working on a very simple poem, one that I think you will like.Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman.You'll find everything required in this packet," she holds up a thick stack of stapled papers."You can work anywhere you want during my class period as long as you check in with me first and tell me where you'll be.The due date is on there as well.Now for the pairs." She goes down the list naming pair after pair, and I feel like I can breathe again once she's called out Lindy's name and mine’s not paired with it.Then she gets to Ryder's name."Ryder Andrews, you'll be paired with Claire Watkins."I hear nothing else.I turn slowly to meet Ryder's worried gaze.He looks at me like I'm trouble and I have to fight back the urge to laugh.But then again, maybe I am.Maybe he's heard the rumors about Jamie, about me.But I've heard the rumors about him too and know they're just that: rumors."Now go forth and conquer, my dears," Mrs.Weathersby smiles as she passes the packets out and people start filing out of the room.I stare at my fingernails.I wait for him to make the first move.I hear the guitar pick as it drops on his desk and I can hear him scoop it back up.Mrs.Weathersby offers me a small smile and then cuts her eyes to Ryder and nods her head toward him.She's trying to help, but I want to disappear.Of all the people to be paired with, it's the guy that confuses me, that confuses everything.I take a deep breath and steady myself."I don't want to fail.I don't know about you, but I want to go to college and get out this place as fast as I can.Let's go to the quad." I stand up, snatching the packet from his desk, and refusing to look at him.Mrs.Weathersby winks at me as I leave the room.I don’t even look back to see if Ryder is following me."You walk fast for someone with short legs," Ryder calls out.I turn around and see him struggling to keep up, his backpack slung over one shoulder.The comment sounds like something Jamie would say.Then I think about what Jamie said about my hair and I finger the short, razored edges of my shoulder length bob barely contained in the ponytail holder.I chopped it all off when they told me what happened.The Juliana Theory album is on repeat as I dial Jamie's phone again.No answer.I try his sister's phone and get no answer there either.Jamie's favorite song comes on, "August in Bethany." The lyrics filter into my head and I wonder why this is Jamie’s favorite? Why not “Constellation” or even “Closest Thing,” something about love and happiness, not about love lost? My heart begins to throb in my chest, and I realize that something’s not quite right, although I’m not sure what.Jamie left just a few hours ago, but he’s still on my mind.He was off tonight, different.I haven’t been able to reach him on his cell and my parents won’t let me go over to his house this late.Sneaking out has become a very viable option.Maybe the kiss scared him off and that’s okay.Maybe he heard me when I whispered I loved him when he left.All the maybes in the world don't quell the strange feeling inside my chest [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]