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.As a result, some evils in the world go unchecked.I believe it was the slaughter of Jehovah’s core constituency in central Europe that first alarmed Jehovah.He took a look at what ~ the Christ had done with the family firm and initiated a hostile takeover of the enterprise.He forced Joshua out and returned things to the way they had been.Joshua immediately struck out on his own, but his people had become fragmented and his doctrine muddled.At the same time Christism became seen by any number of people as theological imperialism, so they rejected it and returned to the old ways.“Our ways.”“I cannot believe it.” Thor frowned mightily.“You say this Christ was a pacifist who preached tolerance.”“Exactly.”“No fighting? No warrior tradition?”“No, he was a pacifist.He completely eschewed violence.”Thor’s lower lip quivered for a moment.“If he was a pacifist, how were we defeated?”I smiled.“He offered people something they wanted.He promised them life after death.”“So did we.”Odin pressed his hands to the tabletop.“This brings us to the point of this meeting.The return of people to the old faiths has given us another chance at life, but these people are not the people we knew of old.Things are different, now, and we must avail ourselves of the means we have today to guarantee we do not go away again.”Thor shook his head.”I don’t understand.We are the gods.We do not change.People worship us for what we are, what we offer them.”“And there is the problem.” I frowned.“Quite frankly, the Aesir are a public relations nightmare.All of us here have our warrior aspects, but war just isn’t in vogue any more.”Thor’s eyes blazed.“War is the most noble and lofty pursuit to which a man can aspire.This is why the boldest and most brave warriors are plucked by the Valkyries from the fields of the dead and brought to Valhalla.Odin himself ordered warriors to be buried with their arms and armor so they would be prepared to join us in the last days, fighting against our foes at Ragnarok!”I sighed.“Look, we really need to rethink this Ragnarok thing.The Christers pretty much own the idea of a grand battle to usher in the end of the world, so our Ragnarok just comes across as a pale imitation of their Armageddon.And this warriors-only thing, that’s got to go, too.”The god of thunder’s voice boomed.“What? You want to admit other than warriors to Valhalla?”“Thor, what you would recognize as warriors in this era carry weapons that can kill a man at over a mile.Most of the wars now are called police actions, which means people far away use weapons that hit with the force of Mjolnir to shatter their enemy’s cities.The heroic nature of combat you recall so fondly is no more.”Thor’s florid face drained of color.“There are no more humans who bravely venture out, risking life and limb, to defeat their enemies and reap riches for themselves?”“There are, but they battle away in commercial wars.”“Merchants?”“Think of them as captains of industry.”“You want to admit merchants to Valhalla?” Thor shook his head.“Next you will want to allow women into that hallowed hall.”I winced.“Actually, I did want to bring women in, but several of the mother-goddess cults have combined with feminism to really block our inroads there.Face it, while all of your wives were wonderful, they’re not as inspiring as the Mediterranean goddesses.Still, focusing on men gives us a potential market of roughly half the world’s population, and that half controls the majority of the wealth in the world.”“Wealth?” Tyr frowned.“I agree with Thor.We want nobility and courage.”“No, we want believers.To attract them, we have to give them something the Christers won’t.” I smiled.“One of the Christ’s pronouncements is that it will be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it will for a rich man to enter Paradise.We’ve got a long-standing tradition of having a person buried with his material possessions so he can have them in the afterlife.We’ll build on that tradition and have people flocking in.”I leaned forward.“Welcome to Asgard Unlimited.We’re in the religion business.Our slogan is this: Asgard Unlimited—you can take it with you.”Heimdall’s visage darkened.“The people you speak of attracting sound less like worshipers than pillagers and scavengers, coming to us to see what we can give them.”“You have to understand, all of you, that the human of today is less a worshiper than a fan.They don’t so much believe in anyone or thing as much as they believe in and worship the myth surrounding a phenomenon.Being gods is certainly impressive, but we need to become more, something that allows everyone to participate in our mystique.”I nodded toward the head of the table.“The three of you will form a trinity—the Christers made that popular and we can use the pattern.Odin will be the head of things and preside over Valhalla.His job will be to dispense wisdom and help our people prosper in their endeavors.“We’ll remake Valhalla into something new and sophisticated
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