Anais Nin [Cities of the Inte Seduction of the Minotaur (epub

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.It had the Indian sculptural immobility.Even when the skin wrinkled with some spasm of pain, the eyes revealed nothing, and the mouth was not altered.She felt compelled to ask: “Are you unhappy? Are you in trouble?”She knew it was dangerous to question those who were accustomed to doing the questioning, to being depended on (and well did Lillian know that those who were in the position of consolers, guides, healers, felt uncomfortable in any reversal), but she took the risk.He answered, laughing: “No, I’m not, but if being unhappy would arouse your interest, I’m willing to be.It was tactless of me to speak of illness in this place created for pleasure.I nearly spoiled your pleasure.And I can see you are one who has not had too much of it, one of the underprivileged of pleasure! Those who have too much nauseate me.I don’t know why.I’m glad when they get dysentery or serious sunburns.It is as if I believed in an even distribution of pleasure.Now you, for instance, have a right to some…not having had very much.”“I didn’t realize it was so apparent.”“It is not so apparent.Permit me to say I am unusually astute.Diagnostic habit.You appear free and undamaged, vital and without wounds.”“Diagnostic clairvoyance, then?”“Yes.But here comes our professional purveyor of pleasure.He may be more beneficent for you.”Hansen sat down beside them and began to draw on the tablecloth.“I’m going to add another terrace, then I will floodlight the trees and the divers.I will also have a light around the statue of the Virgin so that everyone can see the boys praying before they dive.” His glance was cold, managerial.The sea, the night, the divers were all, in his eyes, properties of the night club.The ancient custom of praying before diving one hundred feet into a narrow rocky gorge was going to become a part of the entertainment.Lillian turned her face away from him, and listened to the jazz.Jazz was the music of the body.The breath came through aluminum and copper tubes, it was the body’s breath, and the strings’ wails and moans were echoes of the body’s music.It was the body’s vibrations which rippled from the fingers.And the mystery of the withheld theme known to the musicians alone was like the mystery of our secret life.We give to others only peripheral improvisations.The plots, and themes of the music, like the plots and themes of our life, never alchemized into words, existed only in a state of music, stirring or numbing, exalting or despairing, but never named.When she turned her face unwillingly towards Hansen, he was gone, and then she looked at the Doctor and said: “This is a drugging place…”“There are so many kinds of drugs.One for remembering and one for forgetting.Golconda is for forgetting.But it is not a permanent forgetting.We may seem to forget a person, a place, a state of being, a past life, but meanwhile what we are doing is selecting a new cast for the reproduction of the same drama, seeking the closest reproduction to the friend, the lover, or the husband we are striving to forget.And one day we open our eyes, and there we are caught in the same pattern, repeating the same story.How could it be otherwise? The design comes from within us.It is internal.”There were tears in Lillian’s eyes, for having made friends immediately not with a new, a beautiful, a drugging place, but with a man intent on penetrating the mysteries of the human labyrinth from which she was a fugitive.She was almost angered by his persistence.A man should respect one’s desire to have no past.But even more damaging was his conviction that we live by a series of repetitions until the experience is solved, understood, liquidated…“You will never rest until you have discovered the familiar within the unfamiliar.You will go around as these tourists do, searching for flavors which remind you of home, begging for Coca-Cola instead of tequila, cereal foods instead of papaya.Then the drug will wear off.You will discover that barring a few divergences in skin tone, or mores, or language, you are still related to the same kind of person because it all comes from within you, you are the one fabricating the web.”Other people were dancing around them, so obedient to the rhythms that they seemed like algae in the water, welded to each other, and swaying, the coloredskirts billowing, the white suits like frames to support the flower arrangements made by the women’s dresses, their hair, their jewels, their lacquered nails [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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