Boys of Summer

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.How can he not know exactly what I mean, when it’s the only damn thing on my mind?“About…” I look around as if cornered.“You know.” I’m blushing, feeling terrible heat creep down into my neck.I thought this would be easy, because he’d be with me.But I’m scared plain shitless.Max shakes his head, as he brushes sweet fingers down my arm.“Hunter, chill, okay? Just chill out.” For a long moment he gazes at me, smiling, and I want to feel better.“But are you?” I press him.“Gonna tell her? In the car, I mean?” I really do need to know, because if it is going to happen in the car, then I want to be mentally prepared.“I won’t do anything you’re not ready for me to do,” he promises carefully.“We’re in this together, remember?”I swallow, but my chest is tight and my heart is beating like a fucking mojo.Help! I want to actually say it out loud, I’m that freaked.Amazing that Max doesn’t recognize this in me, this way that I’ve gotten so spooked before.It’s happening again, the fear clutching at me with its greedy claws.It’s happening again, and Max relaxes back in the seat, crossing his legs casually as we approach the gate.He’s calm, easy.So secure in what we are.I wish I could wrap my arms around him and draft off that strength.I roll his Sports Illustrated into a tight tube and start smacking it on my thigh in a nervous little rhythm—until he reaches a steadying hand and halts the motion.“Hunter,” he urges softly, glancing at me.“Please be okay.Please.” I see worry starting to line his eyes, as his gaze moves over my face quickly.“This is Louisa we’re talking about.She’s my best friend in the world.You’re safe with her.”“Wh-what about the others?” I ask, the heat moving up into my cheeks.Maybe the problem is that I feel like the outsider in this group, like the invader in a bunch of childhood friends.“You’re safe because they’re your friends, too.”I nod and try to memorize these facts.I can do this, I repeat like a mantra.We’re in California, we’re lovers and damn it, I can do this.Slipping a clandestine hand over mine where it rests on the seat, he says softly, “You’re safe, Hunter, because you’re with me.”He’s right; I can do anything so long as I’m with him.He keeps his hand covering mine as we pull into the gate.I stare out the window, at the waves of familiar heat and smoggy air, willing myself to breathe.Breathe.Surprisingly, the moment I see Louisa, the way she’s nearly bouncing with excitement, I relax.Maybe not completely, but she doesn’t seem nearly so daunting when I actually glimpse her small frame.I’ve always thought of Louisa as a little bit elfin, and standing there in her ultra-bright pants and hot pink sandals, she looks pretty damn harmless.Max starts laughing as they see one another and she runs toward him.He drops his carry-on bag and his briefcase, sweeping her into a warm hug.Her small arms loop upward, around his neck, and he holds her for a long moment.Yeah, damn glad I know which side his bread is buttered on, I think with a cough, remembering that I’m not supposed to be jealous.As they pull apart, he gestures at her colorful pants and laughs, “You’re actually wearing those things?”“Since I didn’t go to Florida.” She smiles, spinning a little turn.The pants remind me of the dress that little girl on the beach wore, something about the appliqués and colors, so I decide to be impressive.“A…Lillith?” Wasn’t that what it was called? A Lillith?Max swats me on the arm, and shushes me with a playful laugh.“Don’t try and be a girl, Hunter.”Shit, I think, as Louisa blesses me with a generous smile.“Close there, Hunter,” she teases.“They’re my Lily Pulitzer pants.Max bought them for me as a little joke.” I can see why, given that they’re about the worst clash of pink and green that I’ve probably ever seen.I know that they’re supposed to be the shit because I remember how proud that little girl was of her appliqué dress.“Very stylish.” I nod uncertainly because I want to get this right with Louisa today.She beams, and I can tell I said something smart.“And I gave them to her on one very specific condition.” Max grins, reaching for his briefcase.“No wearing them in public.At least not with me.”“I’d rather mortify you.” She laughs, leaning up to kiss his cheek.“Besides, I love them.”Max’s suitcase still sits on the floor, and I’m suddenly inspired.I bend low and scoop it up, hoisting it over my shoulder.It’s a boyfriend thing to do, and now that I’m here, and we’re with Louisa, I want to be a boyfriend.I want to be obvious.The smile that Max Daniels flashes my way, as I heave that heavy bag over my shoulder, is worth the entire trip to Florida.“Thanks,” he says, blinking a bit.I have his bag over one shoulder, my own over the other, and Louisa never even notices.Maybe I can be a boyfriend and the whole damn world won’t stop revolving.We start ambling along, and Max and Louisa chatter nonstop.Their sentences overlap, inter-cut and run on endlessly.It’s hard to follow everything that’s even being said—although I catch that Louisa was bored here without him.Especially when she glances toward me, and says, “Hope you had a good time with him, Hunter.”With him.The sentence seems so loaded, and I’m not even sure what to say.So Max says it for me, while I stumble along, feeling like an absolute oaf.“We had a blast.Never wanted to come home,” he tells her with a pointed look at me.“Uh, huh.I see how it is.” She glances between us.“Just run away together and leave me here by my lonesome.Thanks a lot, you two.”My, God, she has to know.The panic begins to stir again, while I lag behind, trying to sort through my anxiety.But I’m alone with those thoughts because they’re already ten feet ahead of me, dark heads bent together as they laugh and gesture.Maybe he told her about us at some point.Maybe that’s why he can be so calm, because she already knows that we’re a couple [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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