Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven Fannie Flagg

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.”Although Norma did not like to think about it, Tot was right of course.After the terrorist attacks on 9/11 everything had changed.Even in a small town like Elmwood Springs, people had been so shocked, they had become a little crazy.Right after it happened Verbena was convinced that the Hing Doag family that ran the little market on the corner might be part of a terrorist sleeper cell.Norma told her, “They’re not Arabs, Verbena, they’re Vietnamese.” But Verbena had not been convinced.“Well, whatever,” she said, “I still don’t trust them.”But mostly people were just sad about the shape of the world their children and grandchildren had to live in.And for those like Norma and Macky, born and raised in the forties and fifties, it was such a drastic change from that era when everyone felt safe, and your only knowledge of the Middle East was a picture on a Christmas card of a bright star shining down on a peaceful manger, not the place full of hate and rage they saw daily on the television and read about in the newspapers.All Norma knew was she couldn’t take it anymore.She didn’t want to, so three years ago she just stopped reading the newspapers and watching the news.Now she only watched the Home & Garden network and the Antiques Roadshow on PBS, and more or less just stuck her head in the sand, and hoped that somehow things would work out.About forty minutes later, after Norma had been brought out from under the dryer, Tot continued the conversation.“You know me, Norma, I always try to put on a happy face, but it’s getting harder and harder to keep up a good attitude.They say civilization as we know it is done for, doomed.”“Who says that?” asked an alarmed Norma.“Everybody!” she said, removing Norma’s hairnet.“Nostradamus, CNN, all the papers, according to them, we are on the brink of total annihilation at any second.”“Oh Lord, Tot, why do you pay attention to all that stuff? They are just trying to scare you.”“Well, Norma, Verbena said it was in the Bible that this is the end of times, and the way things are going, I think it’s just around the corner.”“Oh, Tot.I’ve been hearing things like that all my life, and they’ve always been wrong.”“So far,” said Tot, pulling a roller out of Norma’s hair.“But one of these days they are going to be right.Verbena says all the signs point to the apocalypse.All the earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, and fires we’ve been having lately, and now that turkey flu thing—there’s your pestilence right there.”Norma felt herself starting to hyperventilate and, trying to use her “Replace a Negative Thought with a Positive One” exercise, said, “People can be wrong, you know, remember when rock and roll came out? Everybody said it couldn’t get worse, but it did, so there you go.”“I don’t see how it could be any worse.But if the end of the world does come before I can collect my social security, then I’m really going to be mad, after I’ve been looking forward to retiring for years, shoot…Life isn’t fair, is it? Aren’t you worried about the end of the world?” she asked, picking up a brush.“Of course,” said Norma.“I don’t want it to happen just when a little style is finally coming back.Go out to Restoration Hardware, or to the Pottery Barn, they have the cutest things now, and for great prices.I just try not to worry about it.”“Yeah,” Tot said.“It doesn’t do any good.Verbena said she’s not worried one whit.Of course, she thinks she’s going to disappear, right before the end of the world comes and the rest of us all burn to a crisp.She said if she ever misses her hair appointment, it’s because she’s been taken up to heaven in the rapture.I said, ‘Well, thanks a lot, Verbena, if you were really a good Christian you would at least offer me a ride up to heaven, instead of leaving me here to fry.’”“What did she say?”“Nothing.”“Well, Tot, if it makes her happy to think that, let her.I’ve given up trying to figure out why people believe what they do.Look at those suicide bombers that blow themselves up thinking they are going to wake up and have seventy virgins or something.”“Yeah, well, they may be in for a big surprise when they wake up and find out they are just plain old dead and they blew themselves up for nothing.What’s that song Peggy Lee sang, ‘Is That All There Is?’”“Yes, well, unfortunately nobody knows if this is it, or if there is life after death,” said Norma.Tot suddenly stopped brushing Norma’s hair.“God, I hope not, this one has wore me out.I just want to sleep.”“Oh, Tot, you don’t mean that.What if you had a chance to see your family again?”“Hell no, I didn’t want to see most of them when they were alive.”Tot then picked up a can of Clairol hard-to-hold hair spray.“What’s life all about anyway, that’s what I want to know, and I don’t want to have to wait until I’m dead to find out either,” she said, spraying Norma’s hair with a vengeance.“Is that too damn much to ask?”After she finished, Tot looked at Norma’s hair in the large glass, rearranged a few curls, then handed Norma a hand mirror and spun her chair around so she could see the back.“There you go, hon, pretty as a picture!”After her hair appointment, Norma felt a little uneasy, so when she arrived at Aunt Elner’s house, she was happy to see her sitting on her porch with a big smile on her face.As she came up the stairs, she said, “You look mighty cheerful today.”“Oh, I am, honey.I just saved a butterfly! I walked out here a little while ago and saw the prettiest butterfly caught in a spiderweb and I was able to set it loose.I’m sorry that spider missed out on his lunch, but butterflies only have one day to live, now at least he’ll have the rest of the day.”Norma cleared off a chair and sat down.“I’m sure he’ll be happy about that.”Elner said, “Did you know a turtle lives to be a hundred and fifty years old and poor little butterflies just get a day? Life doesn’t seem fair, does it?”“No,” said Norma.“Tot was just saying the same thing a few minutes ago.”“About butterflies?”“No, that life was not fair [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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