Audrey Faye Sleeping Solo One Woman's Jour

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.I had no idea they were also fairy godmothers.It started when I stopped in to ask my banker how fast they could do the mortgage paperwork, so I could pick the date I wanted to close when I put in my offer.I had visions of paperwork vanishing down the black hole of the Christmas holidays, and I wanted to be realistic.She asked me how fast I wanted the house—and I was shell-shocked and bruised enough to tell her the absolute truth.As fast as humanly possible.I won’t bore you with all the logistical details of this circle of women who rose up to deliver my holiday miracle.I’ll only tell you this—they had me in my new house in just over two weeks.TWO WEEKS.Fairy.Godmothers.I didn’t move in right away—it was a few days before Christmas and I didn’t want to disrupt the kids until the presents were opened and the tree came down.But I spent time there every single day, painting, turning in slow circles, sweeping.Sitting in the middle of an empty living room in grateful tears.Beginning to imagine a future in which I could breathe.The total awesomeness of my very own bed.I had my nest, but I also needed to be realistic.Lots of the old stuff was moving with me to the new house, including the guy who had just blown up my world.We’d be sleeping separately, but our use of the rest of the house was going to overlap.Which meant that the one space that was entirely, completely, totally mine was my bedroom.Four lovely textured plaster walls and a window.Which is about all I had for a bedroom at that point, because after one very miserable, nauseous night spent in the bed of my imploded marriage, I’d been sleeping on a couch ever since.So I got to start totally fresh.I splurged on a really amazing mattress and beautiful sheets.Nobody in the whole wide world has a bed as deliciously comfortable as mine, or at least that’s what I believe every night when I slide into it.It is pure, selfish luxury, and I totally adore it.The rest, I did on a budget.A cheap bed frame and small dresser in simple white.A plant stand for a touch of whimsy.White shower curtains to cover my window when I want to cocoon.And my very favorite part, the bit that makes me happy every time I walk in, wake up, or look up from my laptop.The results of a single can of screaming teal paint.I’ve painted a lot of bedrooms in my lifetime.I love paint and the new, clean, personal vibe it can give a room.Even when I was a student on a really tight budget, I found the dollars for a can or two and a way to get it on my walls.But never, in my whole entire life, have I had a color on my walls that is this perfectly me.It’s daring and comforting and bold and cozy and so entirely right.I remember very clearly the night that I finally finished building the bed frame and crawled into my luxurious nest of a bed.I was tired, and a little cranky from trying to figure out what to do with eighteen kinds of screws, and still treading gingerly with my very bruised heart.I sat there a moment, ensconced in silk-soft sheets and a pile of pillows, surrounded by my deliriously teal walls—and felt my soul exhale.I’d just come home.To a small part of the world that was, even as unfinished as it still was, clearly meant to be my oasis.The place where I get, all the time, to be absolutely me.I think, even then, the seeds of sleeping solo had taken root.It’s been one of my secret joys in the past eight months to continue to decorate this room.I’ve bought very little, other than a small painting called Moonflower that I fell hopelessly in love with at first sight.Mostly it’s been a process of finding treasures.Things I had tucked away in boxes, bits and pieces that I made over the years.Pebbles collected from the beach and trinkets from friends.No clutter—this room is a place of meaning, a place of self-expression.The very first time in a long time that I got to create something that was purely, simply, deeply about me.It’s not done yet.There are still bare spaces on a couple of my walls, and a sense that a few things that are meant to be here haven’t quite arrived yet.But when I walk into this room, my heart sings.I know all that now.Back then, I just knew I finally had my bulwark—my place to stand while the world stormed around me.My place to heal.Because, silly me, I assumed that’s what the next many months were going to be all about.The sneaking of the light.The three weeks of frozen were very scary for me.I’ve never felt my body do that before.I stopped eating—stopped being able to eat all but a very few things without feeling nauseous [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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