Buy Jupiter and Other Stories Isaac Asimov

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.I questioned them and found exactly how little margin of safety remained.They were waiting only for the completion of the new theater to make a new request.They did not realize, however, that, at my suggestion, Atlantis would be called upon to support the sudden additional burden of a division of Wave cavalry in their ships.Seven thousand five hundred ships, fully rigged!“When the Waves landed, by then almost two thousand tons, the antigrav power supply was overloaded.The motors failed and Atlantis was only a vast rock, ten miles above the ground.What could such a rock do but fall.”Plat arose.Together they turned back toward their ship.Fulton laughed harshly.“You know, there is a fatality in names.” “What do you mean?”“Why, that once more in history Atlantis sank beneath the Waves.”=====Now that you’ve read the story, you’ll notice that the whole thing is for the purpose of that final lousy pun, right? In fact, one person came up to me and, in tones of deep disgust, said, “Why, SHAH GUIDO G.is nothing but a shaggy-dog story.”“Right,” I said, “and if you divide the title into two parts instead of three, you get SHAHGUI DOG, so don’t you think I know it?”In other words, the title is a pun, too.With David on his way, we obviously couldn’t remain in that impossible Somerville apartment.Since I could now drive a car, we were no longer bound to the bus lines and could look farther afield.In the spring of 1951 we moved into an apartment in Waltham, Massachusetts, therefore.It was a great improvement over the earlier apartment, though it, too, was pretty hot in the summer.There were two very small built-in bookcases in the living room of the apartment and I began using that for a collection of my own books in chronological order.I got up to seventeen books while I was in that apartment.When my biochemistry textbook came out in 1952 I placed it with the rest in its proper order.It received no preferential treatment.I saw no way in which a scientific textbook could lay claim to greater respectability than a science fiction novel.If I had ambitions, in fact, it was not toward respectability.I kept wanting to write funny material.Humor is a funny thing, however -All right, humor is a peculiar thing, if you have a prejudice against a witty play on words.There is no way of being almost funny or mildly funny or fairly funny or tolerably funny.You are either funny or not funny and there is nothing in between.And usually it is the writer who thinks he is funny and the reader who thinks he isn’t.Naturally, then, humor isn’t something a man should lightly undertake; especially in the early days of his career when he has not yet learned to handle his tools.- And yet almost every beginning writer tries his hand at humor, convinced that it is an easy thing to do.I was no exception.By the time I had written and submitted four stories, and had, as yet, sold none, I already felt it was time to write a funny story.I did.It was Ring Around the Sun, something I actually managed to sell and which was eventually included in THE EARLY ASIMOV.I didn’t think it was successfully funny even at the time it was written.Nor did I think several other funny stories I tried my hand at, such as Christmas on Ganymede (also in THE EARLY ASIMOV) and Robot AL-76 Goes Astray (included in THE REST OF THE ROBOTS, Doubleday, 1964) were really funny.It wasn’t till 1952 that (in my own mind only; I say nothing about yours) I succeeded.I wrote two stories, BUTTON, BUTTON and THE MONKEY’S FINGER, in which I definitely thought I had managed to do it right.I was giggling all the way through each one, and I managed to unload both on Startling Stories, where they appeared in successive issues, BUTTON, BUTTON in the January 1953 issue and THE MONKEY’S FINGER in the February 1953 issue.And, Gentle Reader, if you don’t think they’re funny, do your best not to tell me so.Leave me to my illusions.BUTTON, BUTTONIt was the tuxedo that fooled me and for two seconds I didn’t recognize him.To me, he was just a possible client, the first that had whiffed my way in a week - and he looked beautiful.Even wearing a tuxedo at 9:45 A.M.he looked beautiful.Six inches of bony wrist and ten inches of knobby hand continued on where his sleeve left off; the top of his socks and the bottom of his trousers did not quite join forces; still he looked beautiful.Then I looked at his face and it wasn’t a client at all.It was my uncle Otto.Beauty ended.As usual, my uncle Otto’s face looked like that of a bloodhound that had just been kicked in the rump by his best friend.I wasn’t very original in my reaction.I said, “Uncle Otto!”You’d know him too, if you saw that face.When he was featured on the cover of Time about five years ago (it was either ’57 or ’58), 204 readers by count wrote in to say that they would never forget that face.Most added comments concerning nightmares.If you want my uncle Otto’s full name, it’s Otto Schlemmelmayer.But don’t jump to conclusions.He’s my mother’s brother.My own name is Smith.He said, “Harry, my boy,” and groaned.Interesting, but not enlightening.I said, “Why the tuxedo?”He said, “It’s rented.”“All right.But why do you wear it in the morning?”“Is it morning already?” He stared vaguely about him, then went to the window and looked out.That’s my uncle Otto Schlemmelmayer.I assured him it was morning and with an effort he deduced that he must have been walking the city streets all night.He took a handful of fingers away from his forehead to say, “But I was so upset, Harry.At the banquet -”The fingers waved about for a minute and then folded into a quart of fist that came down and pounded holes in my desk top.“But it’s the end.From now on 1 do things my own way.”My uncle Otto had been saying that since the business of the “Schlemmelmayer Effect” first started up.Maybe that surprises you.Maybe you think it was the Schlemmelmayer Effect that made my uncle Otto famous [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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